'So, this focusing on the positive stuff is being positive about everything, all the time, even if you don't feel it, is it? Even when something really bad has happened?'

 Er, no.

Responding to every situation with unrealistic positivity is toxic positivity. It represses natural feelings and responses to events which by their very nature are upsetting or traumatic. It feels fake to ourselves and can be downright hurtful or offensive to others. Toxic is right.

Solution focused positivity is very different. In the solution focused approach we're looking for natural, appropriate reactions. Not brushing over things like they didn't happen or don't matter, but recognising that these feelings of pain, grief or sadness will pass and we don't have to stay feeling like this forever. It's about acknowledging the negatives that invariably happen to us all (to a greater or lesser degree) from time to time, feeling what we feel about it, but also having that picture of the future where we're feeling better, coping and where we want to be.

Even in times of great sadness or difficulty there are positives to be had. They don't diminish what's happened (or effectively ignore it as toxic positivity would), but are good things that made us feel better, gave comfort or that we're thankful for.

Think about that friend who was there for you when you were having a tough time, that person brought you a cuppa when your head was spinning or maybe just that kind soul who reached up to a shelf you couldn't reach in the supermarket and passed whatever it was down to you rather than watch you struggle. Perhaps it's just appreciating the nature outside your window.

It can be big meaningful positives or it can be small, seemingly inconsequential positives, kindnesses and things we're thankful for or enjoy. I always say the small positives are often the most important because there are always some there, even if they take a bit of looking for sometimes. And lots of little things can make a big difference to how we feel, the decisions we make and how we cope with whatever comes our way.

So, no, solution focused positivity is not about being positive all the time no matter what. Its about acknowledging negative feelings but using our positive thoughts, actions and interactions to help us process them, deal with them and feel better.

Nothing toxic about that!