I used to hate public speaking. Public speaking of any kind whether that be standing up and giving a presentation, making some kind of speech, running or sometimes even just contributing to meetings terrified me. My heart would be pounding, I would be so tense that I would shake, I couldn't catch my breath and would speak far too fast so that it would be over as soon as possible. In short, I'd panic.

I would do almost anything to avoid having to speak in public...

... but I now have a career I love that involves my doing exactly that - regularly.

So, what's going on there? Have I suddenly become a completely different person? No, I'm still me ... but this me has learned some new skills.

I didn't go on a public speaking course or anything like that though. The skills I've learned were to use the skills I already had. Skills that I'd convinced myself I didn't have before but were actually there all the time.

I realised the things that were holding me back:

• Negative Self-talk
• Imposter Syndrome
• Anxiety

I was constantly telling myself that I was "no good at public speaking" or that "I hated public speaking" or that it "terrified me". All statements that said in all cases and situations that I just couldn't do it. No wiggle room, no exceptions.

On top of that I'd be thinking "Who wants to listen to me?", "What have I got to say that is of interest to someone else?", "I'm not good enough ... what if they find out?".

Start listening to comments like that and wave goodbye to your self-confidence! That's what negative statements and self-talk do, they erode confidence and generate anxiety. That anxiety drips into our stress bucket and fills it up.  The more of it we do, the more we fill the bucket and we all know what happens when you overfill a bucket - it overflows! And when it's a stress bucket that overflows, it's anxiety you get flooding everywhere - that tension, shortness of breath, panic attack, fear and avoidance (to name but a few things). Sound familiar?

So what did I do to find these magical skills that were lurking? I flipped that coin over, changing it from negative to positive and I reduced my anxiety (with some hypnotherapy help, of course!).

I used:

• positive self-talk
• visualisation and reframing the situation
• relaxation

... and practiced these over and over again (probably more than I practiced what I was actually going to say) until it became second nature.

The first time I had to speak in public after that, it went beautifully - I was calm, remembered it and it flowed naturally - and I sat down thinking "I want to do that again!".

Now I've realised that I can do this, that I do have something to say that others want to hear - and more importantly, that I can enjoy it! Do I get nervous? Yes, sometimes - many of the most confident speakers and presenters to - and that's OK because it shows I'm excited about what I'm doing and that I care about doing a good job for myself and those I'm presenting too. I also know that the nerves can be set aside, I can imagine myself giving a good "performance" and deliver just that while coping with whatever might come up.

Now, I do a lot of speaking - I'm a talking-therapist after all, and and assistant lecturer. It's amazing where getting over that fear of public speaking can take you.

Those labels we give ourselves don't define us. Isn't it time to peel off the unhelpful ones and replace them with something more useful? What's your first small step towards that?